Blog on the Lillypad
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Tolkien in a blender and other bad (and good) ideas
Nanowrimo continues even now as we blog. I have offered to review excerpts of budding novels. So far, I've seen about 30-40 novel openers. Big ideas, genuine artistry, earnest prose all jostle with tripe, porn, and regurgitation over on the nanowrimo web boards. I've classified what I've read as follows:
JRR Tolkien in a blender novel
Yes, regrettably, the Ring trilogy is so huge that inspired writers can actually whirl it around, change the names, and pull out a story they think they have written. Actually, it's just Tolkien in remix. The dead give away is the stilted language and the fact that the narrative never gets into a character's head. Too many movies, especially three certain movies, watched over and over and over, make Jack a bad writer.
Sex has made me what I am today novel
Then there are the writers who are just so proud of having no morals whatsoever, that their delusions have caused them to think that life really is entirely about sex. Therefore, their books are entirely about sex, and their language, even when they are not writing prose, is laced with sexual references. To these writers I say, "Get a life." Most people, once they get past the age of 12-13, stop being overly fascinated with sex and start trying to integrate all the components of life into a meaningful whole. It's about time you did too. I get one or two paragraphs into an excerpt from this category and then stop and tell the writer I don't review these types of stories.
OK, so that's the boring and the ugly. Now for the better and the best:
Talented teen novels
These are novels written by teens. I've seen two that are especially memorable. One is about a typical teenage girl who is so worried about how the most popular girl is picking on her in Chemistry lab that she refuses to humiliate herself by mopping up ether that she just tipped onto the floor. So of course she ends up blowing out the windows in the Chemistry lab by accident. THAT was funny. Another, which I think I have referenced in a previous post, has two kids snowboarding out on the slopes, in a witty, quick intro about youthful friendship.
Horror
I don't read horror, but I have evaluated several horror openers, the best of which was a Chandler-esque tale of a "land of the dead" person who stalks his victims as a private investigator would do. The telling remindd the reader of MALTESE FALCON and LADY IN THE LAKE in style, but there is the added horror component.
Ethnic
Not many of these, but one stands out. Reminiscient of CALL IT COURAGE, it depicts a young Polynesian woman in a small canoe (coracle?), trying to outdistance a boat load of Spanish rowers. She relies on the wind and her knowledge of how to use the waves to their best advantage.
Light Fanciful
In these stories, delightful wizards jostle among humanity, and rather than the lofty Tolkien-esque prose (or doggerel imitations of it), the narrative is ordinary, even modern, bright, and light. Perhaps these writers are imitating Rowling. I don't know because I have never read a Harry Potter book. Butif hey are merely derivative, they are at least easier to read than deep, dark BAD prose.
There are more, of course, but it is time to go to work!
Nanowrimo continues even now as we blog. I have offered to review excerpts of budding novels. So far, I've seen about 30-40 novel openers. Big ideas, genuine artistry, earnest prose all jostle with tripe, porn, and regurgitation over on the nanowrimo web boards. I've classified what I've read as follows:
JRR Tolkien in a blender novel
Yes, regrettably, the Ring trilogy is so huge that inspired writers can actually whirl it around, change the names, and pull out a story they think they have written. Actually, it's just Tolkien in remix. The dead give away is the stilted language and the fact that the narrative never gets into a character's head. Too many movies, especially three certain movies, watched over and over and over, make Jack a bad writer.
Sex has made me what I am today novel
Then there are the writers who are just so proud of having no morals whatsoever, that their delusions have caused them to think that life really is entirely about sex. Therefore, their books are entirely about sex, and their language, even when they are not writing prose, is laced with sexual references. To these writers I say, "Get a life." Most people, once they get past the age of 12-13, stop being overly fascinated with sex and start trying to integrate all the components of life into a meaningful whole. It's about time you did too. I get one or two paragraphs into an excerpt from this category and then stop and tell the writer I don't review these types of stories.
OK, so that's the boring and the ugly. Now for the better and the best:
Talented teen novels
These are novels written by teens. I've seen two that are especially memorable. One is about a typical teenage girl who is so worried about how the most popular girl is picking on her in Chemistry lab that she refuses to humiliate herself by mopping up ether that she just tipped onto the floor. So of course she ends up blowing out the windows in the Chemistry lab by accident. THAT was funny. Another, which I think I have referenced in a previous post, has two kids snowboarding out on the slopes, in a witty, quick intro about youthful friendship.
Horror
I don't read horror, but I have evaluated several horror openers, the best of which was a Chandler-esque tale of a "land of the dead" person who stalks his victims as a private investigator would do. The telling remindd the reader of MALTESE FALCON and LADY IN THE LAKE in style, but there is the added horror component.
Ethnic
Not many of these, but one stands out. Reminiscient of CALL IT COURAGE, it depicts a young Polynesian woman in a small canoe (coracle?), trying to outdistance a boat load of Spanish rowers. She relies on the wind and her knowledge of how to use the waves to their best advantage.
Light Fanciful
In these stories, delightful wizards jostle among humanity, and rather than the lofty Tolkien-esque prose (or doggerel imitations of it), the narrative is ordinary, even modern, bright, and light. Perhaps these writers are imitating Rowling. I don't know because I have never read a Harry Potter book. Butif hey are merely derivative, they are at least easier to read than deep, dark BAD prose.
There are more, of course, but it is time to go to work!
