Blog on the Lillypad
Friday, November 12, 2004
The IFBx Church quiz! (for entertainment purposes only, of course)
Is your fundamentalist church soundly preaching and obeying the Bible, or are you off in Wacko IFBx fantasies that are unscriptural and dangerous to the faith? Take this quiz to find out:
SCORE
0 – 10 points: You've got a good thing going in terms of the pastor knowing the Bible and avoiding faddish topics. Can't say anything else about your situation, but some of the right things are definitely in place.
11-19 points: The pastor has some definite blind spots. Maybe they are unavoidable, or maybe he will grow out of them, or maybe he needs to be more informed about the reality of Salvation in Christ, Church discipline, or minding his own business.
20-29 points: Well, the yahoo factor is climbing. Your church teeters on the edges of being IFBx, or it already is. There are real problems in the pastor's views on Christ's power to save us to the uttermost, and he may be harder on the congregation than he is on himself. Beware of the dangers of "entitlement" in the office of pastor.
30-39 points: Wow, your church may be IFBx, and while there is a chance nobody is going to get seriously abused, there is as great a chance that nobody is going to learn Christ.
40-49 points. Your church is IFBx. The errors are so great that an intervention is needed to address errors and problems with the pastor. At the very least, the pastor has missed the boat on what is required for solid Christian preaching that teaches a congregation the Word of God and the Salvation that we have in Christ.
50 points or higher. Congratulations! You are in Wacko IFBx land, where the myths of the supremacy of the pastor (or other pastors) have obscured the truths of the Scripture. This guy doesn't even have a Biblical view of right and wrong, let alone of the Lord Jesus Christ.
THE POINT BREAKDOWN
THE SELF-AGGRANDIZING IFBx PASTOR Now, go back and total your score from just these questions:
5, 6, 11
12, 13, 14
16, 25, 32,
38, 39
If your total score from just these questions is 20 - 49, your pastor has some big ego issues and may view the church as his personal enterprise. There is a danger that he does not recognize that every member of the congregation belongs to Christ and must be answered for to Christ.
If your total score from just these questions is 50 or greater, your pastor is probably IFBx wacko. You ought to seriously think about the Biblical role of the pastor vs. what this guy is teaching and preaching about himself. And chances are, he includes himself in the sermons quite a bit. Remember, the pastor is in place to feed the flock of God and care for them. If his attention is more fixed on your responsibility to him, he has an unbiblical view of his role.
THE DUMB AS A BAG OF HAMMERS IFBx PASTOR Now, go back and total your score from just these questions:
8, 9, 10
12, 19, 21,
27, 28, 38, 39
If your total score from just these questions is 20 - 49, your pastor may have some huge gaps in his grasp of theology and the Bible. Maybe he will grow into a more knowledgeable man, or maybe not. He is probably more influenced by what powerful men or current fads say than what his own knowledge of the Bible and history of Christianity can tell him.
If your total score from just these questions is 50 or greater, your pastor is probably IFBx wacko with the added quality of being as dumb as an anvil. (By the way, if you scored 50 for this, AND your pastor calls himself "Doctor", just add another 100 points to your total score.) It seems unlikely to impossible that you are learning Scripture from this man. Instead, he is probably feeding out a cobbled up system of legalistic garbage, adages from one of his current heros, and stuff he heard from other sermons, political right wing mandates, as well as a lot of stories from sports history.
THE MAN WITH BAD, UNBIBLICAL MORALS Now, go back and total your score from just these questions:
14, 24, 30,
31, 32, 34,
35, 37, 38
If your total score from just these questions is 12-22, your pastor may be ethically clueless. He probably needs to rethink his values in the light of Scripture, at the very least.
If your total score from just these questions is 23 - 49, your pastor has probably fallen into the net of situation ethics and is not acting in obedience to what Christ taught.
If your total score from these questions is 50 or higher, you should recognize that if you or a family member were to be maliciously or criminally harmed in your church (assault, theft, stalking, etc), your pastor's record indicates that he would probably NOT do the Biblically right thing. If this is true, than you are personally at risk in your church, and the members of your family are also at risk.
And remember, readers, this quiz is for entertainment purposes only!
Is your fundamentalist church soundly preaching and obeying the Bible, or are you off in Wacko IFBx fantasies that are unscriptural and dangerous to the faith? Take this quiz to find out:
If, in your church,
1. There are one to three members of the pastoral staff, a board of deacons, but no session of elders. Award yourself 5 points
2. There are no African Americans among the membership or regular visitors. Award yourself 5 points
3. Your pastor's wife has bouffy or Grand Ol Opry style hair. Award yourself 1 point
4. The deacon's wives have bouffy or Grand Ol Opry style hair. Award yourself 1 Point for each head of hair.
5. A building or meeting room has been named after your pastor or former pastor who is still living and is less than 70 years old. Award yourself 5 points.
6. There is no session of elders, but membership is over 200 and members of the pastor's family are in senior church staff positions. Award yourself 10 points.
If Your Pastor,
7. Uses folksy words like "gloryland" instead of theologically accurate terms, from the pulpit. Award yourself 1 point
8. Cannot name ten Christian martyrs accurately from history, apart from the martyrs named in Scripture. Award yourself 1 point. If you don't know if he can or not, just skip this question.
9. Cannot name five Christian martyrs accurately from history, apart from the martyrs named in Scripture. Award yourself 5 more points. If you don't know if he can or not, just skip this question.
10. Cannot name five Christian martyrs accurately from history, even including the martyrs named in Scripture. Award yourself 5 more points. If you don't know if he can or not, just skip this question.
11. Holds both of his lapels with his head up while preaching. (Holding both lapels while looking down does not count. Stroking his lapels does not count either, and holding only one lapel does not count.) Award yourself 1 point.
12. Talks at length about football during the sermon. Award yourself 5 points.
13. Calls himself and signs himself as "Doctor," even though he has only an honorary doctorate. Award yourself 3 points.
14. Calls himself and signs himself as "Doctor," even though he has only an honorary doctorate, and his doctorate has been awarded to him by his own school and/or church. Award yourself 7 more points.
15. Has ever declared that you must dress a certain way or cut or wear your hair a certain way to "be right with God". Award yourself 10 points
16. Has preached on loyalty to the preacher as a vital necessity of "being right with God." Award yourself 50 points
17. Habitually tells jokes while preaching. Award yourself 1 point
18. More than once in a year, advocates corporal punishment from the pulpit as the only proper way to raise any child, anywhere. Award yourself 5 points.
19. Makes positive references to books or sermons by Jack Hyles or Tim Lahaye or Rick Warren and has never referenced any book or sermon by John Bunyan or Charles Haddon Spurgeon. Award yourself 0 points if you have been attending the church for a year or less. Award yourself 3 points if you have been attending the church for one to five years. Award yourself 5 points if you have been attending the church for more than five years.
20. Uses the terms "go soul winning" and "get saved" more than the terms "repent and believe" in sermons. Award yourself 10 points
21. Teaches that the good works that a Christian performs causes the Christian to be sanctified. Award yourself 50 points
22. Has ever used a sermon illustration in which a gypsy boy dies (Award yourself 1 point), an impoverished child of a coal miner dies (add another point), a little golden haired child of either gender dies (add another point). Award yourself 1 point per corpse.
23. Has ever devoted an entire sermon on who to vote for as your Christian duty. Award yourself 5 points
24. Has had Jack Hyles or Dave Hyles preach, teach, or speak since 1993. Award yourself 10 points
25. Has ever used the term "out from under the umbrella of God's protection" in the context of a serious warning regarding obedience to the pastor or membership in the church. Award yourself 50 points
26. Has ever used the term "out from under the umbrella of God's protection" in the context of a serious warning regarding any other relationship to authority. 20 points
27. Has ever gone to Pastor's school in Hammond Indiana without regretting it later. Award yourself 10 points.
28. Has ever insisted in a sermon that King James was a godly man. Award yourself 10 points
29. Has ever blamed the arrest of a church member or church officer or Fundamentalist preacher accused of child abuse or perversion on a liberal media or a God-hating legal system. Award yourself 50 points
30. Has ever devoted an entire Sunday sermon to dress standards as a means of "being right with God." Award yourself 5 points
31. Has never preached that a husband must love his wife without making the husband's love conditional upon the wife's submissiveness. Award yourself 10 points
32. From the pulpit, talks more about your sinfulness than his own sinfulness. Award yourself 20 points
33. From the pulpit, has never mentioned himself repenting and seeking the Lord concerning his own sinfulness or a weighty matter that was too great for him to deal with. Award yourself 20 points
34. Has ever told a person, in person, via e-mail, via snail mail, or through a sermon, to shove it. Award yourself 20 points
35. Has ever, in person, via e-mail, via snail mail, or through a sermon, used profanity in calling another person names. Award yourself 20 points
36. Nobody on the church pastoral or eldership session visits all the families of all the bus kids. Award yourself 20 points.
37. The pastor justifies bad behavior on his part based on how others have behaved. Award yourself 20 points.
38. Has ever misrepresented or misquoted Scripture in order to win an argument. Award yourself 10 points.
39. Can describe the way a gun operates, how to take it apart, clean it, put it back together and/or aim/fire it in greater detail than he can describe the theology of the book of Romans. Award yourself 20 points.
SCORE
0 – 10 points: You've got a good thing going in terms of the pastor knowing the Bible and avoiding faddish topics. Can't say anything else about your situation, but some of the right things are definitely in place.
11-19 points: The pastor has some definite blind spots. Maybe they are unavoidable, or maybe he will grow out of them, or maybe he needs to be more informed about the reality of Salvation in Christ, Church discipline, or minding his own business.
20-29 points: Well, the yahoo factor is climbing. Your church teeters on the edges of being IFBx, or it already is. There are real problems in the pastor's views on Christ's power to save us to the uttermost, and he may be harder on the congregation than he is on himself. Beware of the dangers of "entitlement" in the office of pastor.
30-39 points: Wow, your church may be IFBx, and while there is a chance nobody is going to get seriously abused, there is as great a chance that nobody is going to learn Christ.
40-49 points. Your church is IFBx. The errors are so great that an intervention is needed to address errors and problems with the pastor. At the very least, the pastor has missed the boat on what is required for solid Christian preaching that teaches a congregation the Word of God and the Salvation that we have in Christ.
50 points or higher. Congratulations! You are in Wacko IFBx land, where the myths of the supremacy of the pastor (or other pastors) have obscured the truths of the Scripture. This guy doesn't even have a Biblical view of right and wrong, let alone of the Lord Jesus Christ.
THE POINT BREAKDOWN
THE SELF-AGGRANDIZING IFBx PASTOR Now, go back and total your score from just these questions:
5, 6, 11
12, 13, 14
16, 25, 32,
38, 39
If your total score from just these questions is 20 - 49, your pastor has some big ego issues and may view the church as his personal enterprise. There is a danger that he does not recognize that every member of the congregation belongs to Christ and must be answered for to Christ.
If your total score from just these questions is 50 or greater, your pastor is probably IFBx wacko. You ought to seriously think about the Biblical role of the pastor vs. what this guy is teaching and preaching about himself. And chances are, he includes himself in the sermons quite a bit. Remember, the pastor is in place to feed the flock of God and care for them. If his attention is more fixed on your responsibility to him, he has an unbiblical view of his role.
THE DUMB AS A BAG OF HAMMERS IFBx PASTOR Now, go back and total your score from just these questions:
8, 9, 10
12, 19, 21,
27, 28, 38, 39
If your total score from just these questions is 20 - 49, your pastor may have some huge gaps in his grasp of theology and the Bible. Maybe he will grow into a more knowledgeable man, or maybe not. He is probably more influenced by what powerful men or current fads say than what his own knowledge of the Bible and history of Christianity can tell him.
If your total score from just these questions is 50 or greater, your pastor is probably IFBx wacko with the added quality of being as dumb as an anvil. (By the way, if you scored 50 for this, AND your pastor calls himself "Doctor", just add another 100 points to your total score.) It seems unlikely to impossible that you are learning Scripture from this man. Instead, he is probably feeding out a cobbled up system of legalistic garbage, adages from one of his current heros, and stuff he heard from other sermons, political right wing mandates, as well as a lot of stories from sports history.
THE MAN WITH BAD, UNBIBLICAL MORALS Now, go back and total your score from just these questions:
14, 24, 30,
31, 32, 34,
35, 37, 38
If your total score from just these questions is 12-22, your pastor may be ethically clueless. He probably needs to rethink his values in the light of Scripture, at the very least.
If your total score from just these questions is 23 - 49, your pastor has probably fallen into the net of situation ethics and is not acting in obedience to what Christ taught.
If your total score from these questions is 50 or higher, you should recognize that if you or a family member were to be maliciously or criminally harmed in your church (assault, theft, stalking, etc), your pastor's record indicates that he would probably NOT do the Biblically right thing. If this is true, than you are personally at risk in your church, and the members of your family are also at risk.
And remember, readers, this quiz is for entertainment purposes only!
