Blog on the Lillypad
Saturday, November 20, 2004
Bill Condon's Kinsey
Bill Condon, who seems to specialize in films about sexual confusion, has tried to create a meaningful portrait of a man who managed to trivilialize the most meaningful aspects of life. And no, I am not talking about sex; I am talking about self respect and a sense of purpose in life.
A friend who was going through marriage counseling once said that the marriage therapist's evaluation of sex was that sex made up 10% of a good marriage and 90% of a bad marriage.
That's actually a pretty good measuring stick of life. Little boys who sit and stare at their wee do so because they are immature. Young men who brag about their conquests to each other do so because they live in egotistical vacuums. The same with young girls who anxiously measure their self worth by their bra size. The anxiety, the self fascination, the pride (or the disappointment) are all normal. But we expect children to outgrow these fascinations and integrate a more realistic assessment of themselves and what's important into their value systems as they grow.
And yet, a few adults who remain hypnotized by their wees somehow get doctorates and earn high praise, even if their research reveals only that knowledge that has been known for centuries.
Alfred Kinsey has been credited with making public the mechanics of arousal and satisfaction in women. According to those who view the Sexual Revolution as a liberating event for women that granted them validation, Kinsey's conclusions on what women need and want, published abroad, is at least one laurel that can be laid on his grave. But the modern view that all Western women were sexually unhappy and repressed before Kinsey came along is not without prejudice. Certainly, the idea that sexual freedom has made women any happier is open to dispute. Kinsey's work has not diminshed prostitution, sexual violence against women, or molestation of little girls.
Before Kinsey ever wrote anything, communication in marriage, genuine love, and humility on the parts of both husband and wife would (and have) ensure the same satisfaction for wives.
Kinsey used up the lives of research subjects and re-tooled American society, often for the worse, to reach one conclusion that genuine Love knew from the start: In the bed of a married husband and wife, there is no shame, and they give to each other what the other needs.
And Kinsey made a colossal mistake, even in sexual pleasure, that continues to be made today. He assumed that technique was the ultimate cause of sexual pleasure. But the hoardes of unhappy yet extremely sexually active free thinkers of today have proved him wrong. Sex abounds; we discuss it pretty openly, even in conservative circles; and yet deeply happy people with stable outlooks who can truly help others and live from a wellspring of healthy altruism, are rare. Heartbreak, disappointment, and loneliness are Kinsey's legacy, a legacy apparent in his own relationships and his own life.
Love---deep, humble, committed, and profound---is still the necessary precursor to sexual satisfaction. Take away a Love that kindly and selflessly seeks a deeper and more meaningful relationship with a person on all levels, and you are left with Kinsey's legacy: abortion, unwanted children, powder keg relationships, self-centered demands for fulfillment and pleasure, and perversion and pornography. In his alleged "research," Kinsey used up people, slept around, and discarded ideas of protection of innocence and personal boundaries in a misguided (I would say self obsessed) belief that sex could be reduced to a pleasure created by technique.
The fact that the advocates who support his work accept alienation, temporay relationships, and the complete absence of the sense of the sacred in human relationships demonstrates why THEY adore Kinsey.
But certainly neither they, nor all of Kinsey's "research" have ever yet produced a solution, apart from the age old solution of marital love, fidelity, and commitment to each other, that puts sex in a context of always, unfailingly being a powerful force for release and restoration in a person's life.
Bill Condon, who seems to specialize in films about sexual confusion, has tried to create a meaningful portrait of a man who managed to trivilialize the most meaningful aspects of life. And no, I am not talking about sex; I am talking about self respect and a sense of purpose in life.
A friend who was going through marriage counseling once said that the marriage therapist's evaluation of sex was that sex made up 10% of a good marriage and 90% of a bad marriage.
That's actually a pretty good measuring stick of life. Little boys who sit and stare at their wee do so because they are immature. Young men who brag about their conquests to each other do so because they live in egotistical vacuums. The same with young girls who anxiously measure their self worth by their bra size. The anxiety, the self fascination, the pride (or the disappointment) are all normal. But we expect children to outgrow these fascinations and integrate a more realistic assessment of themselves and what's important into their value systems as they grow.
And yet, a few adults who remain hypnotized by their wees somehow get doctorates and earn high praise, even if their research reveals only that knowledge that has been known for centuries.
Alfred Kinsey has been credited with making public the mechanics of arousal and satisfaction in women. According to those who view the Sexual Revolution as a liberating event for women that granted them validation, Kinsey's conclusions on what women need and want, published abroad, is at least one laurel that can be laid on his grave. But the modern view that all Western women were sexually unhappy and repressed before Kinsey came along is not without prejudice. Certainly, the idea that sexual freedom has made women any happier is open to dispute. Kinsey's work has not diminshed prostitution, sexual violence against women, or molestation of little girls.
Before Kinsey ever wrote anything, communication in marriage, genuine love, and humility on the parts of both husband and wife would (and have) ensure the same satisfaction for wives.
Kinsey used up the lives of research subjects and re-tooled American society, often for the worse, to reach one conclusion that genuine Love knew from the start: In the bed of a married husband and wife, there is no shame, and they give to each other what the other needs.
And Kinsey made a colossal mistake, even in sexual pleasure, that continues to be made today. He assumed that technique was the ultimate cause of sexual pleasure. But the hoardes of unhappy yet extremely sexually active free thinkers of today have proved him wrong. Sex abounds; we discuss it pretty openly, even in conservative circles; and yet deeply happy people with stable outlooks who can truly help others and live from a wellspring of healthy altruism, are rare. Heartbreak, disappointment, and loneliness are Kinsey's legacy, a legacy apparent in his own relationships and his own life.
Love---deep, humble, committed, and profound---is still the necessary precursor to sexual satisfaction. Take away a Love that kindly and selflessly seeks a deeper and more meaningful relationship with a person on all levels, and you are left with Kinsey's legacy: abortion, unwanted children, powder keg relationships, self-centered demands for fulfillment and pleasure, and perversion and pornography. In his alleged "research," Kinsey used up people, slept around, and discarded ideas of protection of innocence and personal boundaries in a misguided (I would say self obsessed) belief that sex could be reduced to a pleasure created by technique.
The fact that the advocates who support his work accept alienation, temporay relationships, and the complete absence of the sense of the sacred in human relationships demonstrates why THEY adore Kinsey.
But certainly neither they, nor all of Kinsey's "research" have ever yet produced a solution, apart from the age old solution of marital love, fidelity, and commitment to each other, that puts sex in a context of always, unfailingly being a powerful force for release and restoration in a person's life.
