Blog on the Lillypad
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
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Constable Magpie Gives Advice Constable Magpie is a Maine Coon Cat named after a gray tabby cat that appears in my Liz Shaw Forensic Mysteries. The fictional Constable Magpie is good for calming Liz Shaw's nerves or keeping her company. However, this Constable Magpie, being a Maine Coone Cat, has many real life applications to make with his cat wisdom. He has observed human behavior quite keenly and even though he cannot read, he has heard humans discuss their troubles, and their inability to swiftly and lightly dispense with troubles amazes him. Before you read his advice, you should be aware that Constable Magpie places a high priority on sleeping (He calls it meditating), eating, and grooming. And he presupposes that people will find him charming and affable (as they always do). But overall, he presents a different perspective that may be of value. |
Dear Constable Magpie: I recently met an executive in my company who has been held up to me as a great woman. But she was very rude to me and treated another woman of her own age (who is not an executive) very snidely, openly belittling her. Yet she lectured all of us (as a group) very well on professional behavior.
Dear offended person, a certain amount of hissing must go on in life. It is very important when frightened or startled to make your eyes as large and as fierce as possible, and to get your hair all fluffed out so that you look very frightening indeed. Often, this display will circumvent trouble. However, nobody can live life with his eyes as round as globes and his hair all fluffed out. Therefore you must re-evaluate the situation to determine what was happening. If this woman merely had a hissing fit because you happened to tread on her tail or eat food from her dish, then you should offer her a treat to make friends. A nice fish head would probably show her the noble intent of your heart, or perhaps chicken livers. If she accepts, then it is clear that she does not harbor ill will towards you.
However, if hissing is a way of life for her, and she is a person prepared to attack on any provocation, then you should avoid her. Put your back to her and jump onto a sunny windowsill to meditate. Let her go on her way. There is no need to thrust yourself upon her attention, for if she is a hissing female, you will only provoke her further. Sometimes even cats will descend into perpetual bad moods and expectations that others can never meet, but I have observed it far more often in human beings. Either way, you get nothing but hisses, and this is not good for your coat. You must lead a tranquil, leisurely life so that you have plenty of time to groom your coat and keep it smooth and luxuriant. After all, cats have a duty to be beautiful, for we provide joy in the universe. Surely human beings have a similar duty. Therefore don't worry about perpetually cross people. Just let them be.
